1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
