then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
