It was confusing and full of hummus
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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