We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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