i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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