Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I puked a lego.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
