I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
