dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
