I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
