my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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