Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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