break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Panties = found
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
