I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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