did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
