I can't watch pbs sober anymore
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
