Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
