You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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