Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
