Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
