I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
