I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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