that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
