i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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