Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
