so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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