If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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