dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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