you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize