That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
