Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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