piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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