So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
