Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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