i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
