Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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