You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.