Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?