Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
