matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.