As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I believe in your delicious
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?