Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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