I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
