I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
