I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
