Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
