I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
