I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
