david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
