There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
