puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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