Your tits are I can't wait for
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
