how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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