Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
