HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
