This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My liver just had a heart attack.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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