Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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