what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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