I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
