Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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