Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
