your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
