your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize