dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
