you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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