I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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