my phone needs a breathalizer
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Randomize
