The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
