Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
