Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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